Amusing Quotes (Scroll down for more Quote Lists)

"To keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that worships them and a cat ignores them." ~ D. Bruce

“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.” ~ Benny Hill

"The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away." ~Tom Waits

LAUGHTER Interior convulsion, distortion of features, inarticulate noises, infectious, intermittent, incurable. ~ Ambrose Bierce

"Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
~ Ann Landers

"Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac. " ~ George Carlin

"Yippee! I'm a poet, and I know it. Hope I don't blow it." ~ Bob Dylan

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~ Albert Camus

"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest." ~ Mark Twain

"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
~ Franklin Jones

"Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear." ~ Unknown

"I think there's a world market for maybe five computers." ~ Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?"  ~ Unknown

"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog." ~ Unknown

With six locks on the door, lock every other one. I figure if someone picks the locks, they are always locking three. ~ Elayne Boosler

"Sometimes all you can do is say, 'Wow.'" ~ Kevin Henkes

"After all is said and done, more is said than done." ~ Unknown

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you." ~ Unknown

"Sometimes, there just aren’t enough rocks." ~ Forrest Gump

“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” ~ Unknown

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." ~ Douglas Adams

"Ninety per cent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment." ~ Terry Pratchett