"To keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that worships them and a cat ignores them." ~ D. Bruce
“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.” ~ Benny Hill
"The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away." ~Tom Waits
LAUGHTER Interior convulsion, distortion of features, inarticulate noises, infectious, intermittent, incurable. ~ Ambrose Bierce
"Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
~ Ann Landers
~ Ann Landers
"Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac. " ~ George Carlin
"Yippee! I'm a poet, and I know it. Hope I don't blow it." ~ Bob Dylan
"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~ Albert Camus
"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest." ~ Mark Twain
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
~ Franklin Jones
~ Franklin Jones
"Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear." ~ Unknown
"I think there's a world market for maybe five computers." ~ Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?" ~ Unknown
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog." ~ Unknown
With six locks on the door, lock every other one. I figure if someone picks the locks, they are always locking three. ~ Elayne Boosler
"Sometimes all you can do is say, 'Wow.'" ~ Kevin Henkes
"After all is said and done, more is said than done." ~ Unknown
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you." ~ Unknown
"Sometimes, there just aren’t enough rocks." ~ Forrest Gump
“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” ~ Unknown
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." ~ Douglas Adams
"Ninety per cent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment." ~ Terry Pratchett
